"The Catholic Church is not a country-club for saints, but rather a rehab center for sinners". These are the words spoken on the radio that struck me deep while driving home from work today. A rehab center for sinners? Is it an accurate statement? Does it do justice to who we are as Catholics? You bet your holy sacraments it does; at least by my standard. We are all sinners on the way to sainthood; we're not there just yet, and some of us are not as far along that journey as others, but on that journey we find ourselves nonetheless.
The great news is we do not travel alone. We have the Bride of Christ as a real presence in our daily lives and her guidance is infallible. Now, that should take some of the pressure off of living up to the standards that have been placed on us by those in social circles that wouldn't mind if we fell right on our ...backsides while on our journey. Perhaps we have set standards for ourselves that are near impossible to keep; I know I struggle with that. Whatever the case may be , we can always rely on the Church and it's many blessings to point the way and perhaps even give us a nudge every now and then.
A few such blessings are those of the Sacraments; seven beautiful signs of God's love for us. The sacrament that I will focus on in this article is that of Marriage; the one sacrament in which both the husband and wife continually administer to one another. I will focus on my marriage in particular and will use examples from within it to illustrate the journey to sainthood my wife and I assist each other on. The stories I will share are not so the reader my get to know me or my wife better, but rather to open a few windows of self-reflection in the life of said reader, whether married or planning on marrying. If my job is done correctly the reader should find reflection will come quite easily.
"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."
G. K. Chesterton
English author & mystery novelist (1874 - 1936)
I've said before and it definitely deserves repeating; I truly believe my best shot at an eternity in heaven is living my marriage as it was meant to be lived, as a sacrament. In all honesty, I could find no better company on this journey than Christ and my wife. The reasoning behind this is simple. I tend to take Chesterton's advice a little to often and get myself into a lot of hot water and who better to help me emerge from said water, a smarter man for it, than Christ and my wife? Husbands, and husbands to be, you have to be truthful with yourselves. In marriage there will always be hot water and you will find yourself at certain times up to your neck in. Many times it may feel as if the loving hands of your wife are pushing you further down into it. Have no fear, that is when Christ comes in to sooth the mind of your beautiful bride, pull you out, and help your both dry off. In reality it was Christ who was holding on to your belt trying to stop your from jumping into this mess in the first place, but will let your wife figure that out on her own, when the wet floor has dried and she is a bit more calm.
One of the occasions when I put the water on the stove to boil (got myself into hot water) was not long after my wife and I had just bought our first home in town. This house was ours; every inch of it was under our name. Well, in reality, it still belonged to the bank who held the loan, but we were making payments . So, for the sake of not stretching this article out too long, lets just say it was ours. I held the keys in my hand all week long as I went to and from work each day. I may have even slept with the keys in the pocket of my pajamas. That's how ecstatic I was to be blessed with a new home. I was also fearful that this was all a joke and any moment the bank would pop out of the closet in roars of laughter and take the house keys and kick me and the family out to the curb. I know, I know, I have issues. It just all seemed too good to be true.
In an effort to solidify this house was truly our new home, one Friday I invited family over for a small Bar-B-Que to happen on Saturday. It wasn't to be a big gathering, just my parents...and my three brothers... and their wife and kids; which wouldn't have been too much to handle with my wife's excellent organization skills. The thing is I neglected to send an invitation to my sweet wife. Husbands, and husbands to be, you all know where I'm going with this. NEVER make plans for people to be in your wife's house, (that's right, it truly belongs to her, despite what the deed says) without clearing it with her first. Faithful as she is, she may not divorce you, but the thought will cross her mind if even for a brief moment.
Thankfully, the next thought to strike her will be on how she can pull it all off with the time frame you so graciously gave her. To complicate the matter, in my particular circumstance, being so newly moved-in we weren't completely...moved-in. I had invited family over for a Bar-B-Que and I hadn't even unpacked and re-assembled the grill. I had been waiting to hire landscapers to put in a backyard. You read correctly, I didn't really have a backyard. We just had a large open space. We had dirt, plenty of dirt, but little else. The old lawn chairs I reminded my beautiful wife we had were of no help. In fact, I decided to hide them out of fear they were light enough for my wife to pick up, but still heavy enough that one being thrown at you could still do some damage.
When I tried to reassure my wife that my family has always been pretty laid-back and they really wouldn't care what the backyard looked like I was forgetting to take my wife's emotions into account. By her perspective, any company to be invited over is to be treated with the respect and courtesy of an honored guest in your home; everything should be in order. Supreme effort should be taken to insure the comfort of everyone in attendance in your home. She was right then, and obviously still is today. It's because of such beautiful thinking that our home today is often described as welcoming, warm, and a place you feel at home in.
The impromptu bar-b-que never saw fruition. Not because of anything on our parts, but simply because of the health of a beautifully aged woman. My grandmother became ill and my parents decided it would be best to make the long drive to pay her a visit ASAP. My dad asked me to do most of the driving to which my wife was very quick to answer with, "Please, take him for as long as you'd like". It was just a day-trip but time my wife would obviously use to calm down and relax after a few hours of intense stress caused by yours-truly. I thought it would be funny to bring the wife some ribs from the restaurant my parents and I stopped at on the way home from the trip. Lets just say, for that night, it's a good thing the couch was unpacked and assembled.
There is no 50/50 in marriage. You are either willing to give your spouse 100% of yourself 100% of the time or you're not. Even when you feel your spouse is not truly giving all of themselves to you you're still called to give that good ole' college try in showing your full love to them. In no other time is this evident then in the modes and methods in which the two of you communicate. Had I relayed my fears of losing our home, childish as they may have been, to my wife and trusted in her to want to understand out of love for me we could have avoided such a trying moment in our life.
Now, I'm no over-emotional fool over-exaggerating on the importance of a silly bar-b-que. In our marriage there have been seriously earth shaking moments that truly tested our faith. However, it's in those smaller moments where one can see a bit easier what we are called to do in everyday life; when the honeymoon is over the real marriage begins. For many, it's by living and praying one day at a time that leads us to ten years, twenty years, and even eighty years of marriage in which each of those days has been lived as God intended; filled with Christ-like love for one another. It's my wife who will get me into heaven. It's my privilege to do the same for her.
As far and few in between as they may be, your wife may find herself needing to be pulled out of some hot water herself. I'll have to save on elaborating on those moments in our marriage for another day. Until then, Husbands, stay clean, stay dry.
Blessings,
Michael
